so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
