I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
