im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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