I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
