i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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