We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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