she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
