Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
