just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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