The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
