Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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