distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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