I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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