who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
