i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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