Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize