Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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