i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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