If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize