Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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