Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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