i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.