Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down