im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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