So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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