Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
