can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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