super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
