i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
