Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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