Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
