and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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