it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
