that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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