i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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