I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pants are for mortals
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
there is glitter all over my balls
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
