i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
