I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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