I think my fart just growled at me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
