shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
