Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
