We won't sleep together?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
