All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
