every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
