Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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