So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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