WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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