Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
