Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
NoShamevember. You game?
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Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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