im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
