Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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