hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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