i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
