toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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