Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
