Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
