Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
