...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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