dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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