Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
