She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize