Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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