Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
