There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
