so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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