So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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