I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
