I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
