there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
