How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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